Last week, Sarah and I were invited to meet with some representatives from the Church of England to talk about our experiences of being gay Christians, particularly as we are in a civil partnership. When the idea of this discussion was first broached with us, we were cautious and keen to know exactly what the agenda would be here – were they going to be trying to shout us down? We were assured that they simply wanted to sit down with us and hear our stories, and I am delighted to report that that is exactly what happened. Me, Sarah and another gay Christian friend of ours spent almost two hours telling our stories to these people over coffee and cake (it’s still unclear what percentage of the flapjacks Sarah actually consumed but a conservative estimate would be A High One) and they listened. Actually listened. And then thanked us for willing to be vulnerable with them.
In the days since, we’ve both said how touched we were by the compassion that these people showed us, and the way that they left us feeling validated as Christians (not that other peoples’ opinions should matter, I know, but still!) Sadly, having a conversation with straight Christians about homosexuality doesn’t usually leave us feeling this way – although there are always exceptions to the rule, peoples’ responses often fall somewhere between mildly disapproving and downright abusive. I’ve been asked to leave churches, been told that ‘homosexual offenders won’t inherit the kingdom of heaven’ and even had people try to cast the ‘demons of homosexuality’ out of me (which doesn’t seem to have been so effective, at the end of the day) so to actually have people sit down and listen to my story… well, that’s mind-blowing, really.
Those of you who have known me a while will know that I’m involved in an organisation called the Gay Christian Network (in fact, I probably met a fair percentage of you through GCN). Their executive director, Justin Lee, is releasing a book this week called ‘Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate’. (For those that are interested, Torn is released on 13th November in the US but will be released in the UK under the title ‘Unconditional’ on 17th January). As part of the publicity for his US book release, he’s asked bloggers to post something calling for a saner, more reasonable dialogue on this issue…
So here it is.
I am well aware that not everyone agrees with me (this is a regrettable truth that I think could possibly be attributed to The Fall, although my wife tells me that this is just Life). There are plenty of people in my life that hold different views to me, but we remain in relationship because we don’t spend all the time that we’re together trying to change the other person’s mind, and we certainly don’t become abusive to the other person and then tell them that they’re an abomination that God is going to spit out. It’s not friendly, and it can ruin an otherwise perfectly civilised cup of coffee. I have no idea whether these people from the Church of England agreed with our point of view, but their approach was loving, respectful and Christ-like. That is what dialogue about homosexuality should look like.
In the words of one of my closest friends, a Christian who isn’t gay but is perfectly happy (and sometimes hysterical!) in the company of two lesbians:
Never let a point of theology, however strongly you believe it or how deeply it affects your life, get in the way of the love you hold for one another.
