On doing away with New Year's resolutions

It's that time of year again.  

The one where we promise ourselves that things are going to be different - that by the end of the following 365 days we'll be thinner, fitter, more resilient and more successful while simultaneously being a wonderful parent, partner, daughter and friend.

Has anybody else noticed that the more we want to change, the harsher we are to ourselves when we don't quite manage to achieve those goals - or is that just me?

Halfway through last year, I came across One Word 365.  The concept is simple - scrap the New Year's resolutions, the long list of goals and the almost inevitable self-recriminations.  

And just choose one word.

One word that sums up how you want to be, how you want to live, where you believe your God is leading you this year.  It won't be easy, but it will be simple.  It's about intentionality - living with your chosen word minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.  

And for me, the beauty of it all is that it's not a goal.  You don't have to measure whether you've achieved it, or by how much - you just have to keep choosing to live your word.

So I'm going for it this year.  

And my word is nourishment.

Image by Ellen Leon at www.thesingingtree.com

Nourishment is something that I feel God has been leading me towards for a while. Not just of the body, but of the mind and of the soul.  And that's so much better than diets, or New Year's resolutions, because it's about making choices because they feed you, as a person.

Life isn't about restrictions.  It's about living.

What is Spirituality?

Not that long ago, I did an essay for my Christian discipleship course entitled 'What is Spirituality?' Lots of friends participated and gave some fantastic answers, and I really enjoyed writing the assignment (well, as much as you ever do...) The conclusion I reached was that a vast number of people consider themselves to be 'spiritual, but not religious' - something that was corroborated by the wider research that I did.

I can understand why people identify themselves as such. My personal experience is that some 'organised' religion (for want of a better term) tries to exert far too much control over people. Sometimes this can border on the abusive. There's another blog post in that subject alone, but my point is that many shun the Church because of negative experiences. I think alongside this is the view that the Church is outdated; again, this is an understandable viewpoint. Others feel that the structure in itself is stifling of true spirituality.

First and foremost, I consider myself a Christian. But that's where the similarity between me and a lot of Christians ends. For instance, I believe in evolution. I believe God blesses same-sex, committed relationships. I believe that people of other faiths will go to heaven. I believe that, most of the time, we don't have the faintest idea about what God thinks about things or about how things fit into the context of eternity - and I'm happy with the mystery and the unknowing. I'm sure somewhere a sociologist has come up with a term to describe people like me (and I'm sure there's quite a few that other people could come up with too!) but sometimes I feel like, when I say I'm a Christian, the term needs qualifying.

Recently, I've been reading Finding Sanctuary by Abbot Christopher Jamison. The following quote has got me thinking again about spirituality and where I stand.

"Adding all this together, we end up with the following working definition: in the modern view, true spirituality is psychological well-being combined with the moral golden rule (do unto others and you would have them do unto you). Doctrine, ritual and community life are optional extras."

Hmm.

Whilst I don't consider myself to be fully allied with organised religion, I wouldn't go so far as to say that I literally consider spirituality to only be about psychological well being and good works. I think both are exceptionally important and that any spiritual practice that leads you away from either is not necessarily helpful, but for me spirituality primarily should be about a sense of connection with God. That's something I can't really describe, but for me it is incredibly real and central to spiritual practice.

Lent

This year I've heard a lot of talk about not giving something up for Lent but instead taking up something positive. I like this idea. I think a lot of people have got into it because they think giving something up is somehow trying to earn favour with God, but the reason I'm not so keen on giving something up is because I think it's (personally) often an excuse to try and do some self-improvement exercise that I've been wanting to do anyway, which then makes the whole process more about achievement than true sacrifice. As Sarah's recent diabetes diagnosis has drastically changed our eating/exercise habits anyway, we sat down on Ash Wednesday and made a list of things that we wanted to put into our lives to enrich them spiritually, physically and emotionally.

My top 7 are:

1. Keep a spiritual/prayer journal
2. Learn meditation and relaxation techniques
3. Blog regularly
4. Start a book of my dreams (as in, aspirations, not my surreal unconscious processes!)
5. Practice karate regularly
6. Go for a walk in a pretty place at least once a week
7. Incorporate some of my photographs (the ones I'm most pleased with) into my blog

Rachel Held Evans (I love her!) has recently written a post called 40 Ideas for Lent, about the Lenten disciplines suggested by some of her readers. My favourites are:

• Last year I tried to give away 40 things I don't need for Lent. Each day I went through my closet, through my book & DVD collections etc and picked something I don't need and found someone to give it to. I found it meaningful.

• I fasted from using my debit card last year. It allowed me to become painfully aware of how easily I swipe & waste; and, allowed me to meditate on & act with better stewardship.

Obviously, blogging from the first Sunday in Lent, it's early days, but I've written out my 7 'resolutions' and put them at the front of my diary, to remind me what it is that makes me feel exhilarated and closer to God.  We ticked point (6) this morning by going for a walk in Bradgate Park, and for the sake of ticking point (7) too, here's some photos! :-)

Synchroblog for Sanity

Last week, Sarah and I were invited to meet with some representatives from the Church of England to talk about our experiences of being gay Christians, particularly as we are in a civil partnership.  When the idea of this discussion was first broached with us, we were cautious and keen to know exactly what the agenda would be here – were they going to be trying to shout us down?  We were assured that they simply wanted to sit down with us and hear our stories, and I am delighted to report that that is exactly what happened.  Me, Sarah and another gay Christian friend of ours spent almost two hours telling our stories to these people over coffee and cake (it’s still unclear what percentage of the flapjacks Sarah actually consumed but a conservative estimate would be A High One) and they listened. Actually listened.  And then thanked us for willing to be vulnerable with them.

In the days since, we’ve both said how touched we were by the compassion that these people showed us, and the way that they left us feeling validated as Christians (not that other peoples’ opinions should matter, I know, but still!) Sadly, having a conversation with straight Christians about homosexuality doesn’t usually leave us feeling this way – although there are always exceptions to the rule, peoples’ responses often fall somewhere between mildly disapproving and downright abusive.  I’ve been asked to leave churches, been told that ‘homosexual offenders won’t inherit the kingdom of heaven’ and even had people try to cast the ‘demons of homosexuality’ out of me (which doesn’t seem to have been so effective, at the end of the day) so to actually have people sit down and listen to my story… well, that’s mind-blowing, really.

Those of you who have known me a while will know that I’m involved in an organisation called the Gay Christian Network (in fact, I probably met a fair percentage of you through GCN).  Their executive director, Justin Lee, is releasing a book this week called ‘Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate’.  (For those that are interested, Torn is released on 13th November in the US but will be released in the UK under the title ‘Unconditional’ on 17th January). As part of the publicity for his US book release, he’s asked bloggers to post something calling for a saner, more reasonable dialogue on this issue…

So here it is.

I am well aware that not everyone agrees with me (this is a regrettable truth that I think could possibly be attributed to The Fall, although my wife tells me that this is just Life).  There are plenty of people in my life that hold different views to me, but we remain in relationship because we don’t spend all the time that we’re together trying to change the other person’s mind, and we certainly don’t become abusive to the other person and then tell them that they’re an abomination that God is going to spit out.  It’s not friendly, and it can ruin an otherwise perfectly civilised cup of coffee.  I have no idea whether these people from the Church of England agreed with our point of view, but their approach was loving, respectful and Christ-like.  That is what dialogue about homosexuality should look like.

In the words of one of my closest friends, a Christian who isn’t gay but is perfectly happy (and sometimes hysterical!) in the company of two lesbians:

Never let a point of theology, however strongly you believe it or how deeply it affects your life, get in the way of the love you hold for one another.

Geocaching

I post a lot about Geocaching on Facebook, so I think it's probably about time I explained what the heck it's all about, and set to rest any fears people may have had that Sarah and I have joined some kind of freakish cult...

Geocaching is, (to lift a phrase straight from the website), a free real-world outdoor treasure hunt.  You basically create an account at www.geocaching.com and from then on you can search for 'caches' nearby.  Caches can be as small as the containers you put on a cat's collar (to put your name and address in) or as large as... well... anything you can hide, really, but the largest we've found so far has been a lunchbox approximately 7x5x3".

A beautiful cow we met on our travels!

So, what is the point??!  Well, caches are usually hidden in somewhere of interest or beauty.  Searching for a geocache usually involves going for walks in places you wouldn't usually have gone - there are places in our area that I didn't even know existed until I discovered there was a cache there!  I hate going walking - I think it's the most pointless activity known to man - but with geocaching there's a purpose and therefore I'll be quite happy walking for miles.

Once you find a cache, there'll always be a 'log' in it - a piece of paper where you put the date you found it and sign it with your user name from the website.  If it's a larger cache, then there might also be 'swapables' - small toys/items (like the kind you'd get from a cracker) that are just a bit of fun, really.  If you want to take something, then you also have to leave something (which means that our geocaching bag is full of random bits of tat that we've found whilst tidying the house!)  When you get home, you also log your find on the website, so that the cache owner (and other geocachers) know that it's been recently found - this can be the difference between continuing to search for a cache and giving up and assuming it's been trashed!  If you don't find it, then you still log it on the website because then the cache owner can make sure it's not been 'muggled' (destroyed by non-geocaching folk!)

'Derica', a travel bug we're currently carrying

'Travel bugs' are another thing that can be found in a larger cache.  These are usually coins or army-style dog tags that have a unique number printed on them.  The person who owns the travel bug will have registered it to their geocaching account and will then decide what they want its goal to be.  Other geocachers who come across the travel bugs can take them out of the cache they were found in and move them to other geocaches that are more in the direction of their goal.  Some people just want their travel bug to rack up as many miles as possible, others are racing their friends as to whose travel bug reaches a particular geocache first.

So, it's our new favourite pastime and we thoroughly recommend that you give it a go!  We have discovered that gardening gloves are a must (due to the amount of time you spend delving in hedgerows).  It is also vitally important(!) that you know what a dock leaf looks like (I don't, Sarah does) because certainly in the UK, you'll usually come across some stinging nettles at some point.  Sarah learnt early on that you shouldn't wear shorts and you should always have your trousers tucked into your socks.

Sadly, I've become more of an intermittent blogger than I'd intended to be. Now Little Darling is back at school, that can hopefully be rectified, but today isn't the day!

So for now, here's a photo of me finding an insect on me during our picnic on Sunday...

Sarah's Story

As I lay in bed drifting off to sleep at approximately 10.30pm on Tuesday night (24^th July) I was filled with an overpowering urge to pray.  I had no idea who I was praying for but I knew they needed my prayer right now.  As I prayed, I saw a picture in my head that I did not put there!

I saw a dove, a pure white beautiful dove.  It was trying to escape two hands that held it.  The hands held it gently but firmly, the dove flapped its wings attempting to escape. The dove was not in pain but it was anxious. I did not know who the dove symbolised but I knew it was someone who needed my prayers to help them to be set free and comfort them. I prayed very deeply and passionately for them and I believe they knew I was with them praying for their release.  I then saw two hands that I knew were Jesus’ and they reached down and gently touched the hands that held the dove.  The hands let go straight away and the dove flew away, beautiful and free.  There was a deep sense of peace within me and them.  I continued to pray after the picture had left my mind.

The following day we were told that Grandma had died (I feel I can call her Grandma as she made me feel like she adopted me as her granddaughter too).  At first I did not connect her with the dove as I assumed that Grandma became late on the Wednesday, but when I was told that she may have died as she went to bed the night before, I knew exactly who I had prayed for.

Grandma did not die alone, Jesus was with her and so was I, she was without pain and it was very quick, this I know. This is a very sad time but this picture has been a great comfort Becky.  I hope it is a comfort to others who knew and loved Grandma.

 

Sadly I did not know Grandma very long but it was lovely to share some special occasions, particularly our wedding and very recently 2 birthdays with her. She is a very inspiring woman, I’m not sure I have met such a passionate person for cricket!!  I would have chosen her above anyone to be on my team on a sports pub quiz! Two other passions of hers were for Jesus and for her family; she has been a great asset to both, that was plain to see. 

God bless you Grandma.